Universe Ponderers Gifts

'I doubt if Jupiter is really three weeks ahead of schedule -- try cleaning your glasses.'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'But what is the universe for?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Quantum Psychic

"I'm learning to live with existence."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

The Origins of Everything

Ten Commandments

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"If the universe is expanding, that's all the more reason to get back to the city."

"Shall we put it in play?"

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

"Great, now we're lost."

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

Newton Discovers Surrealism.

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'

"This just in; the Sun has exploded. Further developments in eight minutes."

"If the universe is expanding by 3 trillion cubic light years per second, why can't I find an apartment?"