Philosophy Ponderers Gifts

Been there. Done that. But have done things differently.

Goldfish jumping out of a fish bowl declaring 'We are free' and then dying on the floor

His prayers were finally answered ? with a question.

"Smoking or non-smoking?"

'Do I have to say a prayer even if I don't need anything?'

'...if you think about it, we must have done something pretty bad in a past life.'

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

"Stop telling me to live in the present!"

"Reincarnated as a goldfish, I must have done something terrible in a previous existance...I must have been a piranha"

"If the meek are going to inherit this earth, they're going to have to toughen up."

'The burden I can bear, but the constant rotation makes me dizzy.'

Materialism

SUNDAY SCHOOL, 'We're supposed to love our enemies? -- Is this some sort of ZEN thing?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

We Are Atheists.

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

Heaven, Hell, Limbo.

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

'They say that life begins at 40. Actually it takes that long to realize that it's already half-way gone.'

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Just Adam and Eve? - What about DIVERSITY?'

'So you created everything...including black holes...which will eventually swallow everything...including you.' 'I'm working on that.'

"But if You create them in Your image, how will they tell each other apart?"

"And what about us?"

"When were you planning to tell me about Hell?"

Ten Commandments

And on the seventh day, God obsessed about what he did wrong on the first six days.

Pre-Need Decisions

Have and Have Nots.

"No, I insist... after you."

"So what happens to our BILLIONS of poor BACTERIA when we die, especially if we're cremated? That's HARD CHEESE is it, you VEGAN!?"

Hilary and Jo-Anne thought integrated bars a mixed blessing.