Evolution Ponderers Gifts

'Okay, who spilled the beans to that Darwin guy?'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"I'm learning to live with existence."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

Ten Commandments

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"OK...for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Great, now we're lost."

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

"Do you ever wonder what happens to us when we die?"

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

Off to a bad start.

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

"I can't help thinking there's a book in this."

"Frankly, I don't like the way things are going."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

Existentialists In Love

"An equation for your thoughts?"

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Jealousy

'Revolution? I thought you creatures said you wanted Evolution!'

Entomology. Ant Colony. Ants must worry about their work-life balance.

"The arc of the moral universe."

"On the plus side, people seem happier to see me lately...."

Microbiology Lab. It's worse than we thought. That antibiotic resistant bacteria is reading Nietzsche!

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'