Genetics Ponderer Gifts

Genetics We'd Like to See: A Late Sleeping Rooster for Gentlemen Farmers.

"I think I’m turning into my parents."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

Max Weber

Clone Factory

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

Progress?

"OK...for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Hello, are you an endangered species or can I eat you?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

Caption Contest TK

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"Woah - random!"