Scientific Ponderer Gifts

"That explains your percentage of bat DNA."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Jean-Paul Sartre

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

"Needs to get a life"

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Sauce for the Goose

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

The Lessons of VietnamThe Lessons of Iran and ContraThe Lessons of Iraq.

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I cross the road to forget."

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'