Academic Ponderer Gifts

'It's kind of depressing: We've spent three years on this research paper, and probably only ten people in the World will ever read it...'

'It is a bad paper and, as a reviewer, I should reject it, but it cites five of my own papers...'

'What's the point of being guaranteed an education if I'm not guaranteed a job.'

Grading Guidelines.

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"What ever will we think about now that the genome project is almost complete?"

"You should've warned me that I'd have no one to blame but myself."

'Granted, we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. But I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

Professor, I think you'll find the concepts I present in this paper, even in their embryonic stages, hang in the delicate balance between that which is mnemonically incredible and that which is sheer genius! ... Then again, they could have simply been the

'Tsk...woolly thinking again.'

"I wish I'd failed my 11 Plus too...."

I am not a computer

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"I thought I'd gotten away with it, but with technology's advancements it's only a matter of time before they find out about that term paper I plagiarized."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

Jean-Paul Sartre

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"What was I thinking?!"

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Sauce for the Goose

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.