Universal Questioner Gifts

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Do Guns Kill?

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Ostrich Curoisities

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"After spending thirty years creating models of early universe formation, I began to suspect that my work didn't make a shred of difference."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Lost and Profound.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

'If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?'

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"What's it all about?"

'Dad, tell me again what life's about.'

Religion, This End Up

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

'I don't think therefore I'm not.'

God hounded by the media.

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Hang on - I've forgotten the question!"

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

On a mountain top a sign says - Out to lunch back a week from Tuesday.

'The meaning of life? -- You CAN take a joke, can't you?'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"