Universal Questioner Pillows

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Do Guns Kill?

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Ostrich Curoisities

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"After spending thirty years creating models of early universe formation, I began to suspect that my work didn't make a shred of difference."

Lost and Profound.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

'If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?'

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

'Does My Bum Look Big In This Dimension?'

'I don't think therefore I'm not.'

"What's it all about?"

Religion, This End Up

'Dad, tell me again what life's about.'

God hounded by the media.

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"Hang on - I've forgotten the question!"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

'The meaning of life? -- You CAN take a joke, can't you?'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"