Universal Ponderer Gifts

'If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?'

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

The stars are beneath your feet as well as above your head

'But what is the universe for?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

The Origins of Everything

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Shall we put it in play?"

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

Progress?

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

Formula.

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

"This just in; the Sun has exploded. Further developments in eight minutes."

'Who was there to hear the Big Bang?'

Jesus wept

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

'I still contend that we live in a finite universe.'

Creator's Remorse

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars … Mercury … Um, Pluto? Charon? No, Pluto … or Eris? Ugh …

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'