Quirky Questioner Gifts

How often do you answer random questions?

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

'Why is it when you're looking for something, you always find it in the last place you look?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

'And you call yourself a lawyer?'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

"Are these one-syllable words, 'Well' and 'actually'?"

"How long have you been delusional?"

"What has one horn and gives milk?"

Frequently Asked Questions

"So when are you going - to invent the boat?"

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Chicken Next Exit, Egg 1 Mile, Or Is It The Other Way Around?

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

Ostrich Curoisities

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Where do we go when we get swatted?'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Why the long face, Timmy? Homework. Word problems. Ooh, I hate math. It's for spin class. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Huh? The question is: You own a lemonade stand. You get caught serving rotten lemons that make people sick, and then exaggerating your profits. What do you say? A. My critics hate America. B. I cannot recall. C. Look, a terrorist. Absurd. I think I agree. It's D. All of the above. This is very wrong. No, it's right. The media made me steal the answer sheet.

'I'm sorry I can't offer you the job, but before you go, could I feel your head?'

"Sorry, but that's one of the things you're better off not knowing."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Funky Facts: Football.

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.