Unexpected Storyteller Gifts

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

"Anyway, long story short, I'm a believer in the old adage 'Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life,' so that's why I became an insurance adjuster."

'Due to a shakeup at network headquarters, this is the Evening News with Fred the Janitor....'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

'At that moment, across a crowded room, their thighs met.'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

Centaur falls in love.

Hog Futures

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

I get my ideas on sale...

Newton discovers surrealism

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"