Storyteller In Disguise Gifts

"I'm the Chupacabra, your new family bogeyman! I'm here to scare you into doing what your dad tells you to do!"

"I think my main strength is my imagination, which I think you can see from my CV."

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Edgar Allen Poe

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

'Cow in love'

'Are you made of sugar?'