Unexpected Staycatitioner Gifts

"Two years at home Son, and all you've earned is points on my credit card."

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Balloon drip.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Popovitch, nobody laughed about you until you fell off the ladder and got trampled down by the elephants. I want you to do that every evening.'

En garde!

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"