Unexpected Investor Gifts

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

The Stock Market.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Animal worries.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

"You should consider buying."

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

I have a dream.

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

Foot Massage

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Man reading in lamp

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'One look at you and I thought 'footsie world stock fund.''

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"