Accidental Investor Gifts

'Boy, is Mom going to be happy when she hears we melted down her gold cards and got $950 an ounce for them!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

The Stock Market.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

Animal worries.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"You should consider buying."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'