Quirky Investor Gifts

'Ted prided himself on exploiting gaps in the market.'

Ron adopted an unorthodox approach to making investment decisions.

"He's a famous stock market expert, looking for new trends!"

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'Your father thinks the next investment grade metal will be aluminium so he's collecting foil.'

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'One look at you and I thought 'footsie world stock fund.''

Ask about our high-fructose corn futures.

'That one is for folding money.'

'Have you given serious consideration to adding investment-grade Star Trek trinkets to your portfolio?'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"He's looking for my stock portfolio."

Cat Quotations Stockholders Meeting.

'Preston is one of a new, young breed of brokers. When stocks, drop, his pants drop.'

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

"My advice is buy flotsam and jetsam futures."

"Your account's cash balance is 100% safe since I buried it in our backyard."

Animal worries.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

'Chemical stocks? My research assistant should have a recommendation shortly.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"You should consider buying."

Low-Rent Stockholders