Quirky Capitalist Gifts

'I used to be a 'nut', but since I made millions in the market, I'm a 'contrarian'.'

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Ice Cream And Summer Rentals

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Why didn't we think of that?"

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"You should consider buying."

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

Setting up companies

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

Animal worries.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'Catch any good mice lately?'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"