Quirky Investors Gifts

"We've changed our investment strategy."

Worst person to invest with...

'How about a romantic caper about two lost souls who meet and find happiness investing in mutual funds.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

William Tell's lesser-known first son- Stanislaus Tell.

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"You should consider buying."

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

Animal worries.

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

Guide to Working Class Investing

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'