Quirky Market Researcher Gifts

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

European currency on the edge.

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Economy - USA.

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Manufacturing will take place in China...So what role does Europe have?...you borrow money to be the customer

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"That's our new church mascot."

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'Very good, Jeffrey! - You are so creative!'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'