Quirky Financiers Gifts

"Everyone said we're crazy to hike a snake charmer, but he's out top fund manager."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

William Tell's lesser-known first son- Stanislaus Tell.

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Animal worries.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"You should consider buying."

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"We've got an application from a bank asking if we'd like to sponsor a branch."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'One look at you and I thought 'footsie world stock fund.''

"It's called investing! You give me your worm now, I eat half of it, feed the other half to the fish and, in a month, we share the fish 10/90 my way. . ."

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

Piggy bank queuing at the bank.

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

Low-Rent Stockholders

'How about a romantic caper about two lost souls who meet and find happiness investing in mutual funds.'

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

'That one is for folding money.'

Cat Quotations Stockholders Meeting.

'Preston is one of a new, young breed of brokers. When stocks, drop, his pants drop.'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

It's important to maintain liquidity! It must be a business school.