Undergarment Guru Gifts

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Be creative...!"

Keeping warm.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Sport Utility Boot.

Dating is so expensive...

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Absolutely not!"

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

At the suit makers

'Do you like my little black number?'

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

Mr Metrosexual.