Garment Guru Gifts

"For the hundredth time, you snip a lose thread you don't pull it."

"I like it here, except it's just the one outfit."

Hemlines will remain the same this year, but legs will be shorter.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

On the back of the t-shirt...

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

Muscles

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'But what is the universe for?'

'She's so put together!'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

A women in a shoeshop.

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Be creative...!"

"Absolutely not!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Keeping warm.

Exercise Class