Garment Guru T-Shirts

"For the hundredth time, you snip a lose thread you don't pull it."

"I like it here, except it's just the one outfit."

Hemlines will remain the same this year, but legs will be shorter.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

On the back of the t-shirt...

Muscles

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'But what is the universe for?'

'She's so put together!'

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Exercise Class

Keeping warm.

"Absolutely not!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Be creative...!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Dating is so expensive...