Grooming Guru T-Shirts

'Not too much off the back.'

The Tragedy of Prosperity

The mysterious process by which people and their toothbrushes start to look similar.

'We can remove the hair from your back. Yes, your husband's back, too!'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Old pumpkin spice

"No, gentlemen...that's not the sweet smell of success. That's the sweet smell of Frank's aftershave."

"Listen, Phil....LOVE the hi-def video conferencing, but next time can you trim your nose hairs?"

Man's shaving razor is as tall as him. He says: 'I can't help thinking they should have stopped at three blades.'

'I thought it was confetti too, until I saw Mom shaving Dad's back on the patio.'

'It would seem that grooming one another is very important in maintaining social order.'

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

The Clipping

Citizen's advice bureau, "I'd shave off the beard"

Old Man Cutting Toenails.

Cutting Toenails.

'Victim has third-degree coverage across 46% of his face! We need to get him to the trauma center, stat!'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"I figured as long as I was having the thorn taken out of my paw, might as well have a body scrub and get my mane redone."

'Oh no! Bad antenna day!'

'Anyone seen my aerosol varnish?'

'If I have to perch here all day, then you really need to do something about your ear hair.'

'Goodness, have you been clawing your way to the top?'

'I don't care how many seconds it took! I need to dry my hair now!'

Business is picking up, Mortimer.

And beware of washing his man just before a show.

'I read in Golf Digest that shaving my arms will add 1.3 yards to my drives.'

A new stylist, with fussing and savoury biscuits. . . but overall, Bev was very happy with the result!!

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

Hair Transplants/A new you... Barber/A new you unplugged.

'You twit, French poodles are supposed to look pompous!'

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

"I think my wife is having an affair, I found aftershave in our bathroom."

My Life in Beards.