Grooming Guru Gifts

'Not too much off the back.'

The Tragedy of Prosperity

'We can remove the hair from your back. Yes, your husband's back, too!'

The mysterious process by which people and their toothbrushes start to look similar.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"No, gentlemen...that's not the sweet smell of success. That's the sweet smell of Frank's aftershave."

Old pumpkin spice

"Listen, Phil....LOVE the hi-def video conferencing, but next time can you trim your nose hairs?"

Old Man Cutting Toenails.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'I thought it was confetti too, until I saw Mom shaving Dad's back on the patio.'

"I figured as long as I was having the thorn taken out of my paw, might as well have a body scrub and get my mane redone."

'Anyone seen my aerosol varnish?'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

The Clipping

'It would seem that grooming one another is very important in maintaining social order.'

Man's shaving razor is as tall as him. He says: 'I can't help thinking they should have stopped at three blades.'

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

'Goodness, have you been clawing your way to the top?'

'If I have to perch here all day, then you really need to do something about your ear hair.'

'I don't care how many seconds it took! I need to dry my hair now!'

Citizen's advice bureau, "I'd shave off the beard"

Cutting Toenails.

'Victim has third-degree coverage across 46% of his face! We need to get him to the trauma center, stat!'

"A shave and a shine."

A new stylist, with fussing and savoury biscuits. . . but overall, Bev was very happy with the result!!

"I think my wife is having an affair, I found aftershave in our bathroom."

'Bad hair day?'

'Do your toenails need cutting?'

Due to his pioneering work with mouthwash, no one dared tell Dr. Flint about his own breath.

"Just a little off the top thanks...!"

"I'm no show dog - I have Alopecia!"

'Just a little off the top. Of my eyebrows.'

Business is picking up, Mortimer.

'You twit, French poodles are supposed to look pompous!'