Garment Gurus Gifts

Inspectors #2 and #3 inspect clothing.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

A women in a shoeshop.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"And now. . . which shoes?"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Keeping warm.

Dating is so expensive...

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"Absolutely not!"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

Mr Metrosexual.

'Do you like my little black number?'

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

At the suit makers

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'