Unconventional Dweller Gifts

'But this IS my mobile home!'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Upper West Side Story

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

'We can't really play Hide and Seek, there's nowhere to hide on the plains...'

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

Tortured Plank

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Thank you."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

Skimming out star reflections

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

"Factominiums."

"Scat!"

'Ma, come see what just crawled out of the woodpile.'

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

An ellipsis in the sky

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

"...A meaningful epiphany or just a line from some dumb TV commercial?"

Old Yarns

Auld Gang Sign

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"...there's honey all over the walls, a weird buzzing noise 24 hours a day and some weird broad at the end of the hall thinks she's the queen!"