Umpires Gifts

"As expected... the call goes in for Scissors."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

"All right! Have it your own way. It was a ball."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Baseball.

'How's that, Umpire?'

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

You promised you wouldn't bring work home with you!

"Until you're top management, Warrick, I strongly suggest you stay within the lines."

'Me? Argue? ...No, sir! That was an excellent call.'

Some Cricket Novelties.

'Steeee-rike three!'

Referee cop.

'Give us another minute, blue. The surgeon just reattached the tendon and he's closing up.'

'...I mean, kicked out of the game is serious, but kicked off the planet?'

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."