Sports Umpire Gifts

"The Talmudic umpire It may have been a strike, since it cut the corner of the plate, and yet it was a trifle high, but not really that high, and yet it seemed to curve over the plate..."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Egyptian Football

'...I don't like your chances!'

"All right! Have it your own way. It was a ball."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Baseball.

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Are you blind ref?'

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

'How's that, Umpire?'