Sports Umpire Gifts

"The Talmudic umpire It may have been a strike, since it cut the corner of the plate, and yet it was a trifle high, but not really that high, and yet it seemed to curve over the plate..."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Egyptian Football

'...I don't like your chances!'

"All right! Have it your own way. It was a ball."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

Cricket widow's revenge 2

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

Pole Vault Rules

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Baseball.

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

'Are you blind ref?'

'How's that, Umpire?'