Sports Officials Gifts

"Um...David, a word if we may."

Doping in Cycling.

The public and private lives of a football steward

Bull's eye for Russian doping

'I will need to watch the replay.'

'We've closed this section down. In all the time no-one has ever tested positive.'

'Get with it, Ralph! Trophies are meaningless, when everyone gets one!'

American Football Referee Controversy.

Medals subject to drugs test results

"Atlas! We require a small sample."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Pole Vault Rules

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Are you blind ref?'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Goodenow & Bettman: We have a deal Bob! But do we have any fans left?

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'