Sports Officials Gifts

"Um...David, a word if we may."

Doping in Cycling.

The public and private lives of a football steward

Bull's eye for Russian doping

'I will need to watch the replay.'

'We've closed this section down. In all the time no-one has ever tested positive.'

'Get with it, Ralph! Trophies are meaningless, when everyone gets one!'

American Football Referee Controversy.

Medals subject to drugs test results

"Atlas! We require a small sample."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'Are you blind ref?'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'