Football Official Gifts

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

'Why are you sending us off?' - 'For fighting about who won the toss.'

FIFA scandal

Bent like Blatter

'How come I get two yellow cards?' - 'One for the foul and one for the instant reply.'

Red Card on the Podium

Eye examination for World Cup officials.

'What do you mean the ref was fair. He lined up in their wall at free kicks.'

Hard-of-hearing football referee getting abuse about his eyesight.

'Can't we just toss another coin?.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Kill the ref.'

Referee Art

Referee's Free Kick Pack

Sepp Blatter

More Fifa officials indicted over bribery scandal

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Pole Vault Rules

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Now what?!'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"