Fa Official Gifts

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Are you blind ref?'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

Red Card - Gold Card.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Footballer playing for time

'He lost his whistle,'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'