Golf Official Gifts

"And make sure ya mobiles are off!"

Golfing Boss

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I hope you replace your divots.'

Egyptian Football

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Pole Vault Rules

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'Are you blind ref?'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Footballer playing for time

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

'He lost his whistle,'

Tennis corruption

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.