Athletic Official Gifts

Various sporting officials think to themselves: '4 years at West Point for this'...'5 years at MIT for this'...'6 years at Julliard for this.'

Total corruption

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'Are you blind ref?'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

Red Card - Gold Card.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Footballer playing for time

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'