Sports Official Gifts

'Even if everyone does say you're blind, sir, I still have to examine you myself.'

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

'It looks they are enforcing the three strikes law!'

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

'Wimbledon - The British weather is causing ever more contentious line-calls.'

Sprint race about to start. One contestant wearing a rocket attached to his back. The fuse is lit ready to help him win the race.

Pole Vault (Man running up with a ladder).

'There really is no need for confusion. Rule 10, section 5, article a, subsection 3, exception 4 quite clearly states ... '

Umpires filing trays marked 'safe' and 'out'.

'We're in luck! Not a word about steroids.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'He's giving me a two minute whining.'

Finish line extended 20 miles.

Referee School

"The Hare's demanding a dope test !"

'Nothing worse than a fussy ref!' (Football referee matching cards with colour chart).

Refereeing Stages.

Lots of sports officials waiting in the eye doctor's waiting room.

'OK, Doug, don't tell Bill because he'll fire me, but everything a foot in front of my face is a blur.'

'We're in luck. Not a word about steroids.'

Brian fails a random rug test!

'Did you know Geoffrey was once a tennis umpire?'

"Of course it's nothing to do with match rigging. I thought it was woodworm."

'But ref, he head-butted my boot.'

'... and no hitting below the belt like this...'

'You're not really going to try and challenge that traveling call are you?'

The Awkward Bounce!!!

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

'Break.'

Free kick to us...er I mean, to Rovers.

'Get up, you're not that bad.'

'The throw I mean the throw wasn't straight.'

Footballers claiming to have the umpire in a bag.

Three legged triple jumper.