Baseball Umpire Gifts

"All right! Have it your own way. It was a ball."

An umpire vacuum's home plate.

Brett Kavanaugh

A student at Baseball Umpire School sees a sign on a door Closed Taking A Ball Four

'Making split-second decisions, never admitting a mistake, being vilified by the public - maybe we ought to work for the government.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

Baseball.

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'How's that, Umpire?'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

You promised you wouldn't bring work home with you!

'Steeee-rike three!'

'Balk!'

Some Cricket Novelties.

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!

Referee cop.

'Me? Argue? ...No, sir! That was an excellent call.'

'...I mean, kicked out of the game is serious, but kicked off the planet?'

The public was right

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

'Give us another minute, blue. The surgeon just reattached the tendon and he's closing up.'

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."