Cricket Umpire Gifts

Cricket.

"He only became an umpire to hide his bald spot and his big pot!"

'Our village cricket club' - An umpiring fireman responds to an emergency whilst holding all the cricket team's possessions.

New Umpire Signals

Stump used as a stake through the heart of a vampire

'I'm a cricket umpire.'

Wicket keeper with giant gloves.

'Good morning, Mr Herbert. If my face seems familiar, it's because yesterday you gave me 'out LBW' when I was at least a foot outside the leg stump. Shall we start your test?'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

Alternative fielding positions

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Cricket Accidents.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Cricket - The Pride of the Village.

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'...I don't like your chances!'

Remarkable run-ups 1890-1940

"All right! Have it your own way. It was a ball."

Cricket widow's revenge 2

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'...and watch out for his 'flipper'!'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'I'll pour yours out as well Dear - I know that you won't be long.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

The world's first exploding cricket box...