Tennis Referee Gifts

"Quiet please...the players are about to begin grunting."

"Don't get up too quickly, I don't want you getting the bends."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

COWS: Cow Pong

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Why moms make bad refs.

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Now what?!'

"Once more, with fury."

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'