Referee Gifts

'Even if everyone does say you're blind, sir, I still have to examine you myself.'

"My first impression is that the victim was probably a lousy referee."

'Hey, that's not fair.'

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

Fight or flight?

"Excuse me ref, a few of the lads on the losing team would like a word if they may..."

"What a match...have you seen that crazy guy running across the field? He was irritating players and fans! I want to know why the scurity guards did not stop him!" "Becase he was the referee."

'There really is no need for confusion. Rule 10, section 5, article a, subsection 3, exception 4 quite clearly states ... '

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

"Quiet please...the players are about to begin grunting."

"..And no punching below the belt"

'Well, I don't know if it's the greatest. But it's definitely one of the greatest seesaw battles I've ever witnessed.'

'Okay. Sniff each others' butts, and come out fighting.'

Football Penalties

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

Are You Bleeding Blind?

'Hey, hey, hey! Wait until I toss up the ball. I want a fair jump.'

'Call it in the air: raised digits or magnetic strip.'

Target practice board in the shape of a football referee.

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'Great distance.Poor aim!'

"You're just mad because I found a scholar to back me up."

'Fouls and other violations have plummeted since the league introduced corporal punishment.'

Succumbing to pressure from players and fans, the home plate umpire agrees to undergo on-the-spot Lasik eye surgery.

Lots of sports officials waiting in the eye doctor's waiting room.

'You really should work on your people skills.'

'He's giving me a two minute whining.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

Referee School

'Nothing worse than a fussy ref!' (Football referee matching cards with colour chart).

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Refereeing Stages.

'What? ... Oh, come on, ref! I barely pressured him!'

Rugby Players and Referees.