Refereeing Gifts

'Fouls and other violations have plummeted since the league introduced corporal punishment.'

Football Referee Standing On Large Whistle

'We should have asserted control early on. They've been jawing at each other all game long. It was bound to turn violent.'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

'Technically, that has to go down as a missed chance...'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

Football foul (red card).

His patience running thing, the ref pushes the mute button and ends the argument.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'

'Must be coach Johnson's place.'

Referee cop.

Blind Referee

'It's a special whistle only basketball players can hear that renders them immediately compliant.'

Crime and punishment - football.

'These DNA results confirm what we suspected. There is only a 1-in-5 billion chance that you did not commit the foul.'

'The only thing I can figure is that a game took place without a single fan criticizing the officials.'

Deathbed Conversion

"The refereeing was only half bad... the winning team didn't complain."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

Soccer Sign Language - "I went for the ball" - "You went for the balls."

Before instant replay.

John loves the results of his new Turbo Referee Whistle.

'We're a coalition force, ref.'

'I'll take everything at the division line. You get the rest.'

'How come I get two yellow cards?' - 'One for the foul and one for the instant reply.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'Are you blind ref?'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

Tired of substitute officials screwing up NFL games? Hire some retired classroom teachers.

Referee avoiding barrage of thrown objects.

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"