Relationship Referee Gifts

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"To be honest, I'm not really surprised to hear your relationship isn't working out. You're not the first bacterium and penicillium to sit in those chairs and you certainly won't be the last."

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"Oh stop whining! Every marriage has to have a fall guy!"

"I know it's not perfect, but, by and large, I think the jury system has served this marriage very well."

"I'm not keeping score. I won a long time ago."

"Are you ready to do it my way!?"

"You're always too busy nowadays."

"That drives me crazy!"

"See? He's always interfering."

"Maybe we should have discussed the elephant in the room a little earlier, Geoffrey."

'You should know my dad's a referee, He has access to instant replay,'

'I preferred you when you were fuelled by bitterness and rage, rather than by alcohol.'

Man umpires a fight with his wife.

'We never agree about anything.'...'Yes we do!'

'On second thoughts maybe we should just agree to differ?'

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

'It's always about you, isn't it?'

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'