Relationship Reviser Gifts

"Can I call you back? I'm decluttering."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

Heart to heart talk.

"Arthur, I need my space."

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

Waterfall of Disappointment

"To be honest, I'm not really surprised to hear your relationship isn't working out. You're not the first bacterium and penicillium to sit in those chairs and you certainly won't be the last."

Strangers. Friends. Lovers. Spouses.

"Your grandma and I have decided to live together."

'What's with the Thesaurus - trying to find a clinical term for love?'

Worm Bed

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."