Refereeing Fan Gifts

"Advantage Mr. Edmonson."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

Why moms make bad refs.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Election 2020

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Now what?!'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'I win!'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'