Referee Fan Gifts

'It's for you.'

"I'm only going to say this once Fred! I have a sore throat and it hurts to talk. So put that back in your pocket and leave it there for the rest of the game!"

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'

'May I say it's a great pleasure to present my work to such a distinquished assembly of my colleagues.'

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Information booth attendant solves equation

Why moms make bad refs.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Archaeologists discover a football

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

'Let's see if we could put a spin on it and get the public interested.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'I win!'

'Now what?!'

"Lucky Guess."

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

Formula One car origami

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I think I've finally figured out who's on first."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"All in all, I'd say it's a pretty convincing explication of chaos theory."

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"Stop being creative and discover something already."

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

The Bagel Wheel Derby.