Sports Referee Gifts

Knockout!

Play golf on the billiards table.

"They're right, you do need glasses."

"Why don't we enroll in a Conflict Resolution Program where we can study the underpinnings of conflict dynamics and implement strategies to foster sustainable peace?"

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'Ref!!'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

'Nothing? Well, keep looking! A quarterback doesn't go down under a pile of tacklers and just vanish...'

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

Various sporting officials think to themselves: '4 years at West Point for this'...'5 years at MIT for this'...'6 years at Julliard for this.'

Boxing cheats

'Line judge eye centre'

"Sure you've got him worried - he's thinking he may be done for GBH!"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

Egyptian Football

Why moms make bad refs.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'