Sports Referee Gifts

Knockout!

Play golf on the billiards table.

"They're right, you do need glasses."

"Why don't we enroll in a Conflict Resolution Program where we can study the underpinnings of conflict dynamics and implement strategies to foster sustainable peace?"

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'Ref!!'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

'Nothing? Well, keep looking! A quarterback doesn't go down under a pile of tacklers and just vanish...'

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

Various sporting officials think to themselves: '4 years at West Point for this'...'5 years at MIT for this'...'6 years at Julliard for this.'

Boxing cheats

'Line judge eye centre'

"Sure you've got him worried - he's thinking he may be done for GBH!"

"I need protection under the Whistleblower Protection Act. I'm an NFL replacement ref."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Why moms make bad refs.

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

Egyptian Football

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Pole Vault Rules

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'