Hockey Referee Gifts

'Set your phaser on 'stun' and fire at will'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Why moms make bad refs.

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Now what?!'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'I'm sure it's a violation, but I can't find it in the rule book.'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

'Are you blind ref?'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'