Umpire Wrangler Gifts

"It's rigged. They have an umpire."

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

High Riders of the Old West

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

"How'd I do on the test?"

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

How Many It Takes

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

Baseball.

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'How's that, Umpire?'

'OK...now what?'

'There's no need for confusion. Part 935 of Mining Regulation 823, Section 323 in Article L clearly states . . . '

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

You promised you wouldn't bring work home with you!

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!