Tweeting Tactician Gifts

Man and bird

Lynching on social media

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"That was a rumor day."

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts."

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

'I don't know about you, Sam, but so far my clients aren't going for this cross between tradtional and online trading.'

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

The invisible hand of the marketplace.

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

'Sir, we're txting the enemy!'

'Writing is just like texting except you have to use all of the letters in each word.'

"To-do list. Item one. Clear up the world's problems masterful tweet."

Text/Subtext Message

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

I Tweet, Therefore I am.

'When I texted you all regarding the manner in which he died, I was disappointed by how many of you responded with 'lol'.'