Tweeting Tactician Gifts

Man and bird

Lynching on social media

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"That was a rumor day."

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

"Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts."

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

'I don't know about you, Sam, but so far my clients aren't going for this cross between tradtional and online trading.'

The invisible hand of the marketplace.

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

'Sir, we're txting the enemy!'

"I want conventional and nuclear battle plans on my desk. It's time to take this Twitter war to the next level."

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

'Writing is just like texting except you have to use all of the letters in each word.'

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

How are we supposed to tweet in 140 characters when all we can use are zeroes and ones!?

Text/Subtext Message

"To-do list. Item one. Clear up the world's problems masterful tweet."

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

I Tweet, Therefore I am.