Tv Shopping Fan Gifts

'Need a reliable way of trying things together? Try super straps for only $19.95.'

'Mom, did you get me at a store or was I a 'As Seen On TV' purchase?'

Dracula Shills For A TV Shopping Channel

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

I love Museum Shops

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

TV Situations vacant.

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

After traveling across the universe for thousands of years, an episode of "Leave It To Beaver" is received by an inhabitant of a distant galaxy.

Pastor of Muppets

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

'They had to increase security. He's being stalked by a deranged paleontologist.'

"Previously on..."

Hole Sale

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

"No, I'm not, no cellphones in high school old. I'm, I fell in love with Betty White in the Golden Girls old."

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'Oh well - something rose up.'

Exit laughing

"Sooty says we're nostolgia"