Television Shopping Gifts

'Me? Fat? I like to think of it as using a different aspect ratio to normal'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Killer Executive Suits.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"They grow up so fast."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Handbag store - "Perfect."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."