Television Shopping Gifts

'Me? Fat? I like to think of it as using a different aspect ratio to normal'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Killer Executive Suits.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"They grow up so fast."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Men's Suits. I hear being suave and sophisticated is coming back in style. That's just an urbane legend.

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Bowled over again!

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Handbag store - "Perfect."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

Cut Price

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Toadstools